So, the story begins…
For some reason I’ve lost my mojo. I say for some reason… who am I kidding? I know the reason. But let’s skip past that little detail for the moment. Let me tell you about the video that I just recorded (because I felt I ‘should’ record a video). The reason that I can only write about it is that the sound failed and the video was just me flailing my arms about, silently, like an idiot.
I mentioned a Washington Post article published yesterday headlined “Why My Guitar Gently Weeps – The slow, secret death of the six string guitar”. The gist of the piece is that the electric guitar is on its way to being consigned to history… to becoming an instrument looked upon in the same way as a violin or a cello. It is quite a balanced article and it throws up a few reasons for these assumptions. First of all it mentions the lack of profit from the likes of Fender, Gibson and PRS. Secondly it mentions the lack of current guitar heroes. Now… I spent minutes talking about these topics and I was very funny. I can’t possibly recreate that excitement here in words. But I did focus on the definition of a guitar hero. The article said that there is no-one for the current generation to look up to like previous generations had. It threw up the same old names… Hendrix, Clapton, Van Halen etc. My cat then messed about causing a speech from me which ended in a great visual cat-woman gag. Then I belched in the most amazing place in a sentence. It was probably my best-timed belch ever. Shame.
I stated that the phrase “Guitar is Dead” has been pushed so many times in my life by the media. At the end of the 80s, Acid House, Rap, “Guitar is Dead”. Then there was grunge. Then “Guitar is Dead” again. Then there was Brit-pop. Then, during the Prodigy, Leftfield, Underworld, The Chemical Brothers, Photek, etc “Guitar is Dead”. Then Coldplay. Then rap and electronica, “Guitar is Dead”. Then the Arctic Monkeys. And every time… GUITAR IS DEAD! /long live the guitar.
The article mentioned that for the first time the sale of acoustic guitars has exceeded electrics and I said “Is that any surprise? Look at who is the KING of the World right now!” And I made some great Ed Sheeran gags. Honestly, sometimes the ineptitude of other people astonishes me. Kids see Ed Sheeran play an acoustic guitar so they buy acoustic guitars. It’s bloody simple! And… guess what? Ed Sheeran might just be your bloody guitar hero!!!
Then my cat sat on my Sonos and I told of the time he did that at 3 in the morning, switching it on with his arse, playing Motorhead at volume 10 from every speaker in the house. The moral of the story was that you should:
- Make sure you leave the volume of your streaming device near zero.
- Make sure your default playlist isn’t thrash metal.
I then went on a lengthy talk about how I currently have the ‘default’ cat-sitting-on-streaming-device-and-switching-it-on playlist as a guy with a relaxing voice hypnotising me to sleep. I went on a huge gag-fest pretending to be a sleep-whisperer. Very funny it was too. Would have made a brilliant video!
I ended by basically saying that the guitar has survived many proclamations of its demise… but that there was likely a lot of sense in the article. If we are forever striving for original music then maybe we should ‘have’ to use different instrumentation. I then said we’d probably end up playing that bloody key thing from the Masters of the Universe movie. BUT… I then remembered that the guitar evolves in the hands of evolving musicians and I brought up the likes of Tom Morello’s amazing work with Rage Against the Machine.
So, what do you think? (I said) Discuss.
Then I went to edit the video and it had no audio because my equipment let me down /not sexually. Perhaps it was a sign?
I didn’t re-film it. Because I only did it as a stop-gap in the first place. Honestly, I don’t think I should film any more videos. I think I have to accept failure. There is no appetite for my videos. And none for my music. No violins. Not fishing for sympathy. I thought I could fight and win. But I think I have to settle for the loss. I think I’ll go away and do other things. Or perhaps more writing on this site? I’ve said that before but didn’t heed my own advice.
(Oh yeah, and during the whole recording of the video I had the Glastonbury festival muted on the TV. Thousands of people watching guitar music.)
(And as I press publish on this post Radiohead is headlining the main stage with the world watching. And they will be playing guitar. Anyone can play guitar. GUITAR is DEAD!!! Remember?!?)